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Call Of Nature AKA Where do you go when there are no loos? - basched
Call Of Nature AKA Where do you go when there are no loos?


Title: Nalbina
Series: Call of Nature AKA Where do you go when there are no loos?  
Author: Me. 
Genre:  humour
Characters: Basch, Vaan (No pairing!)
Summary: Vaan realises just what Basch had to go through whilst in prison. 
AN:  This is the first story in what will be my CON series. If anyone who has played the FF12 game, the characters go to a lot of pretty remote places across Ivalice and well I never saw any port-a-loos around. SO what do they do when there are no loos? Yes, this contains silly British Toilet humour but I just have to do it. 

I should also mention here that this is the shortest fic I have EVER written. It shocked me when I did in fact write several pages of this piece and deleted it all to come up with this. It just felt right somehow.  I am also shocked that I didn't even mention Ashe! As pretty much all my FF12 stories are Bashed, this was a big deal for me not writing her in! 



It was the beginning of a long journey. Vaan was excited, for beyond the sands of Dalmasca, he hadn't really explored Ivalice. At all.

Yet Vaan had no clue what it was going to be like.

To him, this adventure started after freeing Basch Fon Ronsenberg from Nalbina prison. He hadn't wanted to, he was angry and furious beyond contempt that his brother's killer was still alive, but after Basch explained things, his anger softened somewhat. He tolerated the thin wreck of a man travelling with them, he was useful in a fight but Basch's physical condition was simply atrocious and he didn't exactly smell great either.

"Don't you wash?" asked Vaan sneering at Fran as she lent the man the last of her rations. Stuffing his mouth full of Viera food, Basch didn't respond at first until Vaan repeated the question.

"Wash?" Basch's breaking gravely voice croaked. "I was in a prison cell for two years. I was given the minimal of washes, Vaan. They did not treat me well."

"Yeah…but…surely the smell….they could have done something about the smell?" Vaan scrunched up his nose and saw that Balthier was also holding his handkerchief over his own.

Basch finished off the last of his food and then stood up.

"I wish they did do something about it." he said, sadly. "I wish they had given me a bucket in my cell…but alas. I was not even given that luxury."

"A bucket? You mean…you had no toilet facilities?" gasped Vaan. Balthier tutted and shook his head in disbelief before muttering about his desire to carry on back to Rabanastre. "But…Basch! Where did you….where did you go?"

Basch thanked Fran as she gave him some water, he drank heartily and then began to follow after the two sky pirates.

"On the floor…the wall. Anywhere, anywhen I needed to."

"Oh man…that's disgusting." Vaan felt sick. He felt sorry for Basch. That was no way for a person to be kept. "But when we get back to Rabanstre…."

"When get back to the city," Basch sighed in heavenly anticipation. "I shall have a shower, a bath…I shall eat and drink plenty and make use of the finest Dalmascan toilet facilities ever in existence."

"I just know the regular kind." said Vaan, scratching the back of his head and following after Basch.

"So do I. It is those that will be heavenly bliss to my eyes and to my rear."

"Yeah…no kidding huh?"


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Current Mood: tired tired
Current Music: Free - Faith Hill

2 comments or Leave a comment
goddessofbirth From: goddessofbirth Date: October 9th, 2010 02:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
I know absolutely nothing about this fandom, but now I have the satisfaction of knowing where your username came from...;)
basched From: basched Date: October 9th, 2010 09:00 pm (UTC) (Link)

I did not ever tells you where my username came from?

Well I'm pleased that you know now!

2 comments or Leave a comment