basched (basched) wrote,

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Title: Dastardly Crime (part one)
Characters/Pairings: Rayne.
Genre:  Humour/romance 
Rating:  It's not too bad.
Summary: Jayne does fiendish crime. 

Author's Note:  A belated (forgive me) fic for [info]dtsguru She gave me a prompt and this was the result. Hope you like it lass. Beta'd by   [info]ultra_fic   and[info]bigbadjayne 

This is the first part of the story. Because LJ seems to have this dislike of long chapters, I had to split it. I really didn't want to but was playing up so I couldn't post it all in one go. . Enjoy. 


 “We are doing dastardly crime?”

He nodded. His patience was wearing thin as she still insisted on talking, when he had specifically told her to keep quiet. Didn’t the li'l Reaver killer know how important it was to focus and keep rutting silent? He didn’t know why she had come along with him in the first place; it wasn’t as if he couldn’t do this job on his own.

“You realise that you are going about this all wrong.” River whispered by Jayne’s ear. She jerked her head back when she nearly got swatted in the face by an irritated gloved hand. “It is taking too long and your method is flawed. A single well aimed gunshot can take out a target.”

Jayne shook his head. The girl thought she knew everything there was about these kinds of things, but she was wrong.

“Afraid of turmoil and chaos.” River shook her head. “Irrelevant. Inconsequential.  You can get past the security.”

“Security? What gorram security is there, Crazy?”  Jayne hissed at her, but River smiled proudly, pleased that she had finally gotten him to respond after all this time. “Look at this dump! There ain’t any sensors, feds, any alarms or cameras! No one is gonna be guardin’ this lot!”

Knuckles rapt hard on Jayne’s head and he tried to shove the twenty one year old away.

“Security is in place! There always is and it’s vicious and dangerous.”

“I know what I’m doin’ woman! Now back off and shut the hell up!”

“You’re so mean.”  River sighed adoringly, sat down on the ground and leaned against the wall. She then focused on her bare feet, wiggling her toes as her fingers twirled at her hair.  “Go ahead. I will stay here and protect you when it goes wrong, as I always do.”

“Three times, darlin’…three times. Don’t count as always.”

“If you say so.”

“I do! Now—wist—and stay outta sight!”

River sighed again and nodded, this time turning to smile at Jayne. He was not in the mood for pleasantries so she did as he wished and said nothing more.

She felt his stress level finally wind down, his breathing slowed and he became still. He was centred and focused on the mission at hand so a beautiful peace ebbed from his mind—just like it did when he cleaned his guns—and it lulled River into a similar state. It was bliss and she nearly forgot where they actually were.

The sun was warm, it radiated pleasantly on her skin, so much so that it was making her even drowsier. It was only when she turned her head to look at Jayne that she noticed he hadn’t made a move. Normally River could keep the track of time very accurately, without the means of time devices, but she had to guess this time and it had felt like a good fifteen minutes had passed. Mal would be wondering where they were.

River turned round and got to her knees so she could peer over the wall. There were so many and if Jayne had been anyone else, she would have insisted they brought a gun. Even with her partner’s skills, she thought not having a gun was still a little risky.

Jayne hardly went anywhere without a gun…but he never went unarmed, if he could help it. Neither did River. She took the blade from inside her boot and scooted closer to Jayne.

“You haven’t picked a target yet…have you bao bei?” she teased, stroking her fingers through the curls on his head as he stared over the old crumbling bricks of the wall. 

“I have too picked a target!” Jayne grunted back. His gruff, snarky attitude quickly soothed when River continued to stroke at his head.

“Which one?”  River turned her head this way and that, with large excited eyes and a beaming smile.

Jayne pointed reluctantly at his target.  “The fat one.”

 River sighed, sighed in a way that didn’t make Jayne feel any better, for it felt as if she was disappointed in him. 

“You gotta problem with my choice?”

A finger poked at his cheek a couple of times and then pushed his head towards the right, where she pointed with another finger.

“There. He oversees all. Take him out.”

“I take him out and the rest of them will go nuts! You know nothing about this, do ya?!”

Jayne turned to River and stared into her eyes. She had no idea, really no idea. All her smarts, Reading abilities or Academy conditioning meant squat right now. Suddenly there was something niggling at the back of his mind, a warm tingle of her going into his head. 

“Ya doin’ it again… aintcha?” he said, grabbing the back of her neck and pressing their foreheads together. She didn’t need to say anything, Jayne knew that she wouldn’t stop pestering him. He lightly kissed her on the nose and eventually let go once the niggling tingle stopped. “Fine. I’ll do it your way, but yer wrong. If somethin’ bad happens….”

River giggled.

“I will be ready....” She held up her hand and placed the other on her chest. “I promise.”

“Really?” Jayne’s voice nearly squeaked. “I mean… y’will, really?”

She pressed a single finger to his mouth and then kissed him lightly on the lips. Jayne nearly pulled her back in for a much longer more passionate kiss, but she broke free from him and held her knife out towards him. He shook his head and pulled out Boo, grinning adoringly at the long silver blade before edging round the wall. River sank back down onto her bottom and began to count down on her fingers as he approached his target.


The screams were so funny.



Tags: 2011, birthday gifts, firefly, humour, rayne, romance
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