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Title: Thruff
Characters/Pairings: River/Jayne  
Genre:  Humour 
Rating: 15. For swearages and mentionables.
Summary: . River helps Jayne to improve his reading skills.  
Author's Note: This is for the wonderful  goddessofbirth for her birthday. I hope this makes you laff gal. Not really beta'd so mistakes are mine. Please, enjoy. You are the Rafia...you are awesome! 


   He flat out objected to it at first. He yelled and screamed throughout the whole ship every time she offered, warning her to stay the “gorram hell away.”  He used all the crazy names he could think of, until he saw the book sitting on the table.

            His eyes lit up at the picture of the naked woman with her titties out and he slumped into a chair. Jayne looked over both shoulders and all around the room to make sure no one was present and then picked up the book. His excitement was short lived.
            “Aw fuck! This ain’t no gorram use! Where’s the ruttin’ pictures?!”

            “Tsk! The pictures are in the mind! The words put them there.”

            Jayne turned round, scraping the chair legs across the floor with a horrible squeal. His hand went to his side arm and the gun whipped out in a matter of seconds, pressing against a pale forehead. Those damned creepy eyes of hers didn’t blink, the witch didn’t flinch one bit.

            “What’s the point in havin’ porn when there ain’t no pictures?” Jayne growled, waving the book in front of River’s eyes and putting his gun away. “This book don’t have pictures except on the cover! Damned misleadin’ if ya ask me!” 

            “The imagination is better.” River snatched the book and pulled up a chair to sit next to him. “The words will show more than pictures ever will.”

            Jayne didn’t think she was right about that, and snarled as she opened the book to a page of long and complicated looking words. A single pale bony finger rested beneath a line and she looked up at him with a hopeful gaze.

            “What?” he asked after that hopefulness grew into frustration.

            “Read! Speak! The subject matter is of interest and will help. I have deduced that the percentage of success will be higher for Jayne if he learns to read erotica!”



            “Hell Crazy! I told ya! I can read just fine! Besides, readin’ sex ain’t the same as lookin’ at it or doin’ it! Yer crazy assed plan won’t work!”

            There was the look.  A crafty, manipulatin’ and unsettlin’ look that put Jayne on edge. He sat stiffly in the chair as his hand reached for his knife.  Little minx was up to something.

            “If Jayne promises to read sex for River…she might allow him to partake in some of the activities described.”

            This was interesting.

             "So? What are ya pre-posin'?" 

            “If you read, we can do!”

            Still, with one eye scrunched in suspicion, Jayne slowly peered down at the mass of words and focused on the first word directly above River’s finger. He then began to slowly sound out the words, like a child reading for the first time. 

            “It was…hot. Sweet….sweat so-aked her shirt re-ve-lin’ frim…firm…row-and bread…breasts!” A smirk drifted across his face. “E-rect brow…nip-pulls..brown nipples poked thruff…”

            Jayne hissed when River’s finger jabbed at that same word again and again.

            “Sound it out!”

            “I gorram have! It says thruff! Which don’t make no sense…how can a woman’s tits poke thruff?! What the gorram hell is thruff?”

            “Through! It is pronounced through! Author spells it differently.”

            “Now that’s just gorram crazy spellin’ it a different way! It don’t even sound right!”

            It took a while, but Jayne was determined and he learnt pretty quickly. If his little Crazy was willing to show him what went on in this book…it would be worth it.

            “How much do ya want me t’read?” he asked with excitement, after reading a few particular raunchy paragraphs.


            He saw it; the light blush on her pale face, the bite of her lip and her shy but eager smile.

            “You can skip the mediocre chapters and read pages 46 to 50.” she mumbled, letting her fringe drop over her face.
            Jayne read as quickly as he could over those pages. His eyes lit up and his mouth began to salivate.
            "Oh hell yeah!"

Tags: , , , , , ,
Current Mood: geeky

16 comments or Leave a comment
goddessofbirth From: goddessofbirth Date: November 8th, 2011 02:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
LOVE IT! River's a smart one - a perfect way to lure Jayne into reading, but making it erotica, and a perfect way to get him into bed...

You're awesome, B!!!!!! Thank you!
basched From: basched Date: November 8th, 2011 02:29 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm pleased you liked it, lass. Xxxxx Hope that you have many more smiles and laffs on your special day!
raven_40 From: raven_40 Date: November 8th, 2011 02:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Her suggestion to skip right to the juicier parts of the story made me grin.LOL, River is really a clever girl. And she has no time to waste. ;)

That's a terrific little ficlett you've written here, lass. :D

basched From: basched Date: November 8th, 2011 05:09 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh hell yeah! lol Get to the good bits straight away. She is so clever!

Glad you enjoyed the little fic!
sunshineali From: sunshineali Date: November 9th, 2011 04:00 am (UTC) (Link)
Brilliant and so funny! This I could definitely see happening. :)
basched From: basched Date: November 9th, 2011 06:23 am (UTC) (Link)

Thasnks Ali! XD Glad you liked! Was thinking on doing more, but I think it's fine as is! As River said, let the imagination paint the pictures! XD LOL
revdorothyl From: revdorothyl Date: November 25th, 2011 03:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Now THAT's a dedicated teacher! :)

So very much fun.
basched From: basched Date: November 25th, 2011 07:28 pm (UTC) (Link)

A VERY dedicated teacher and eager pupil!

Thanks for reading and liking...it was great fun to write.
(Deleted comment)
basched From: basched Date: November 27th, 2011 10:38 pm (UTC) (Link)

Sex via learning to read! Jayne loves it!!

Thanks lassie! I am trying to get back into Rayne and firefly again, but I'm still being distracted. I will get there!

Diolch! xxx
night_lotus From: night_lotus Date: November 28th, 2011 03:20 am (UTC) (Link)
This was spot on! Words paint much more intricate pictuers than images alone can.

Clever girl that River. :-)

This was hot, sweet and funny, everything I expect from you, B. Loved it muchly!!
basched From: basched Date: December 6th, 2011 12:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aww thanks so much! Again! Chuffed to endless bits that you liked! :)
freddiejoey From: freddiejoey Date: November 30th, 2011 01:42 am (UTC) (Link)
“It was…hot. Sweet….sweat so-aked her shirt re-ve-lin’ frim…firm…row-and bread…breasts!” A smirk drifted across his face. “E-rect brow…nip-pulls..brown nipples poked thruff…”

Oh yeah baby - very nice indeed.
general_iblis From: general_iblis Date: December 4th, 2011 09:21 am (UTC) (Link)
Gotta say...River comes up with the best plans!
basched From: basched Date: December 7th, 2011 10:35 am (UTC) (Link)
That she does! XD

Thanks again for reading sir! :)
raynesupreme From: raynesupreme Date: March 2nd, 2012 08:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Ok, I've read this story like three or four times. (I'm awful at remembering titles.) Anyway, I just love this one. For a few reasons. You're Jayne is just spot on. Really, really perfect. Second, and my favorite, is "thruff". That's just hilarious. Last, I love the whole allusion to trashy romance novels. (Funny story. My base-model Kindle broke but I was able to use the Kindle app to transfer my "library" to my iPad. With it came all the cover art that my crap-ass Kindle didn't display. I was somewhat shocked and embarrassed at the trashy images, but interestingly enough, had no problem with the words inside.) Can't believe how cool this Rayne community is, and can't wait to see new Rayne from you!!!
basched From: basched Date: March 3rd, 2012 02:14 pm (UTC) (Link)

Why thank you so much! It makes me all giddy when someone really likes my work AND that I've done Jayne accurately.

Thank you! I hope to have more Rayne eventually. I'm slowly working through my many fandoms. Much appreciated. :)
16 comments or Leave a comment