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Sense Of Humour - basched
Sense Of Humour
Secret Santa (Primeval Denial) For: SallyCanDance
Title: Sense Of Humour Part 1
Pairing/Characters:  Matt/Becker, Lester, Jess, Abby/Connor, Rex. 
Promptskaraoke;mistletoe;scheming to get someone together;Christmas Eve at the ARC, and guess who's still working?!
Genre: Humour
Rating:  13. Suggestive adult themes.  
Spoilers/Timeline: This takes place in season 4...after Connor and Abby came back.    
Summary:  Matt is drawn away from his work and forced to join the ARC's Christmas party. 
Author's Note: Here is my fic for SallycanDance as part of the Secret Santa on   [info]primeval_denial
I am putting it into two parts because otherwise LJ wouldn't let me post. This has been beta'd by  [info]fredbassett
so any mistakes are all mine. Sal, I hope you like this..I really do. Happy Christmas to you and all   

 You will like my sense of humour…

            The quiet and private Christmas Eve party, hosted by Lester, for a select few ARC employees, started off as just that. Quiet and private.

            There was a little wine, even small slices of Christmas pudding—“Marks and Sparks, only the best for you lot”- and a small but rather pathetic-looking tree was placed by the steps of the Hub. It was more brown than green, but the amusing little dinosaur decorations and lights that covered it made up for that lack of freshness.

            Lester flatly denied that he had brought the tree in, or that his son and daughter had done the decorations, but they all knew and would never dare say anything against such denials. So they graciously accepted this party. None of them expected that such a casual and friendly gathering would end up…. as it eventually did.

            At first, it was just Abby, Connor, Becker, Jess and Lester, raising glasses of wine in moderate festive cheer, but after an hour, when they were all deciding to go home, the Beta team came into the Hub to check back after a mission. It would have been rude to not offer them a little tipple as well.

            “Have we got enough to go around?” asked Jess as she refilled everyone’s glasses.

            There seemed to be. One bottle of wine appeared to be enough for several more toasts and a few Christmas wishes, however with the sudden appearances of other ARC members, techs bringing in late reports, people checking on experiments and the new shift coming to take over, the party became a lot bigger and louder within the space of a few minutes. Lester didn’t know where the extra alcohol had come from, or who had started the music playing over the speakers, but he wasn’t going to put an end to it because people were happy. They deserved this after all their hard work.

             He wasn’t going to tell them that. He had a reputation to maintain after all.

             One hour became two. Two hours became three. Three hours became four and soon it was 9 pm at night and there were definite signs of intoxication and outright silliness.

             Didn’t these people have families to go home to go to?

             Lester himself was feeling the effects of --whatever this fizzy stuff was—but when he saw Connor slipping off the edge of a chair and looking confused as to how it happened, Lester knew he at least was in control.

             “Are you okay?” asked Jess, her happy ray of sunshine smile even brighter than usual. Lester turned and saw her swaying slightly. “You’re not in the spirit of this party?”

             “I am merely cautious, Miss Parker,” Lester said, taking the glass from the young woman and putting it down. Jess picking it up again caused him to huff with annoyance. “I’m merely making sure that nothing happens to the expensive equipment and sensitive classified data that happen to be in the same room as a group of increasingly intoxicated staff.”

             “Oh… right!” Jess’ hand cupped over her mouth to hide her amused laughter. “Is that what you’re doing? I believe you!”
It didn’t sound like she did. In fact, it sounded a lot like Jess was teasing him.


             Suddenly, Lester was startled as Jess placed a hard—and wet—kiss to his cheek before she bounced off happily to converse with Abby and Connor.

            “Well… yes…” Lester wiped his cheek free of her spit and looked around for something to fill his own empty glass. He found some bottles and picked up a few more just to check if they had anything left in them. “Just as long as this doesn’t get out of hand, people! I’m your boss not your babysitter! I can still fire you all!”         

            Lester wasn’t sure why that last threat was met with a couple of women coming up to him, smiling, patting him on the back and kissing him on the cheek just like Jess had done. He wasn’t sure why everyone ignored the possibility of being fired and carried on enjoying themselves. The party intensified even more when, out of the blue, a karaoke machine was brought in.

            Connor Temple drunkenly singing T-Rex’s ‘20th Century Boy’ did not impress Lester one bit.


You will be addicted to my smile, laughing all the while…”

            It was Christmas Eve and apart from the assigned Charlie shift, he was the only one working and he wasn’t supposed to be. He wasn’t joining in on the festivities he could hear so clearly on the floor below him, because he had much more to do. He had a world to save.

            “Should have known this was where you’d be!”

            Matt Anderson wasn’t sure who exactly Abby was addressing. He looked up from his computer screen at the exact same time Rex looked up from the bowl of water he was drinking from. Both of them angled their head slightly to the left. 


            Rex chirped, as if asking the same question which amused Abby greatly as she walked into the lab and approached the desk to gently stroke Rex’s back.

            “It had to be you, the only one not joining the party.” Abby smiled softly as Rex then scuttled over to Matt and nudged affectionately at his arm. Matt stroked at the reptile and Rex chirped back with appreciation. “And I should have known he would be here too. Rex really likes your office.”

            “He was here first,” said Matt, smiling as he scratched under Rex’s chin. “On my first day, after Becker showed me around… Rex was already occupying this space. How he got in here without the alarms going off is still a mystery, but technically this is his office. I’m just looking after it for him.”

            Rex seemed to like that statement, so he climbed up Matt’s arm onto his shoulder and took a triumphant glide around the room before landing on the desk beside him. 

            “Well, it’s nice that you’re doing it.” Abby sighed. “Not many people get him or understand why he’s here. Thank you for looking after him whilst Connor and I were gone.”

            “It was my pleasure.”

            “Look, are you going to come down to the party? People are wondering where you are.”

            No, they weren’t wondering about Matt, because he was their boss. Although they liked him well enough, he was still a bit of an outsider. But Matt always had been ever since he came here. He appreciated Abby’s gesture though. Matt shook his head and allowed Rex to jump over to his owner. Abby hugged the reptile and headed for the door.

            “If you change your mind, come down and celebrate with us.”

            “I will.” 

            Matt only planned on going if he changed his mind, which was very unlikely.

            After Abby left, Matt went back to his work. It didn’t matter to him that it was Christmas Eve, he had never celebrated Christmas anyway.  There wasn’t anything to celebrate when everything was dead or dying. The predators didn’t stop killing if it was someone’s birthday, the burrowers didn’t care if it was Christmas and the harsh toxic air of the earth came every day of the year… holidays be damned. So how could anyone grow up celebrating those things?

            The years he had spent in this time hadn’t exactly warmed him to the festivals either. He forgot his own birthdays, and never really worried about them, they weren’t important. He stayed away from the people celebrating various holidays and religious events because he didn’t feel the spirit of Christmas, not when the fate of the world still hung in the balance.  If he stopped and joined in for just a moment, if he let his guard down, there would be no Christmas.  There would be nothing. He had to stay strong.

            It wasn’t easy. So many lives depended on him.

            So, Matt carried on working, forgetting the passing of the time and ignoring the happy people below. Half an hour after Abby had been in to check on him, Jess came along.

            When she opened the door, the wailing tones some of someone (it sounded like Lester) trying to sing ‘Living On A Prayer’ became louder and caused Matt’s whole body tense and cringe. They were terribly out of tune.

            “Hi, Matt! What are you doing cooped up in here?”

            “I’m working, Jess,” he replied solemnly.

            “But it’s Christmas Eve! Everyone is having fun! Come down and have some fun with us! Please? How often is it that Lester allows this to happen? Why won’t you come down?”

            Matt counted off the reasons in his head.

            That awful singing, too many people, the work load he still had to get through, his father wouldn’t allow it and Matt wouldn’t forgive himself if he tried to join in and failed his mission.

            “This work is important, Jess.”

            “Christmas is important!”

            “Maybe I’ll come down later.”

            Jess looked to be extremely frustrated by that reply but just like Jess, she shrugged it off pretty quickly.

            “You’re so…. bah humbug, Matt Anderson! I never expected that of you! Oh, well… if it makes you happy! Toodles!”  Jess waved and walked away, nearly crashing into the door, which she found hilarious. “Oops! I’ve got to look where I’m going!”

            Matt had to smile at her charming tipsiness.  

            When later came, it was an hour before midnight, and Matt was still at his desk, fighting back fatigue and trying to ignore the strong karaoke wailings going on downstairs.

            His reason for being a ‘party poop’ was now due to the drunken renderings of Slade, Cliff Richard and other assorted Christmassy songs he could hear, rather than anything else. People really shouldn’t sing when drunk, especially Connor.

             When Matt heard the cries and choruses of “Happy Christmas” a few minutes later, he knew it was past midnight. He was thinking of stopping and going home, slipping out of the ARC unnoticed, so he shut down his laptop and turned off the lights. When he reached the door, he was blocked by someone standing in his way.

            That someone was slightly drunk, judging by the glaze in those intense brown eyes.

            “It’s Christmas Eve and guess who’s still working?” drolled a sarcastic voice. “Why am I not surprised? Matt, get your arse down to this party now!”

            The grin was impossible to keep under control with such an order.


            “Or I’ll drag you down there myself and make you sing.”

            That was a pretty convincing ‘or’.  Becker had such a way with words that never failed to amuse Matt. Becker was one of the few people who could make him smile. 

            “I don’t have to listen to you sing, do I?”

            “If it will make you show your face at the party, sure.” Becker returned the sly smirk. “I’ve been told I’m awful. Ears have been known to bleed because of my singing.”

            Maybe just this once, Matt Anderson would see what this Christmas was really all about.

            “Fine, I’ll go, but only because you asked me so nicely.”


            “And I will end each conversation, I will leave the room with upper hand and you will understand…”

            This entire evening had been puzzling for Lester. Yes, he had consumed some alcohol and things were getting mighty fuzzy, but when pretty much every woman in attendance came up to you and kissed you, you couldn’t really focus.

            “Lester!” Jess’ jovial voice rang out through the whole room and she flung her arms around his waist. She kissed him on the cheek, a big wet sloppy kiss followed by a raspberry. He felt a sudden creeping wetness over his back, probably because Jess had spilt some of her drink. “Happy Christmas!”

            “And a merry whatever to you, too.” Lester folded his arms and adopted his usual no-nonsense poise. “Jess, as much as I appreciate the sentiment, is it necessary for you and every female here to keep kissing me? I like a little tonsil tennis as much as anyone, but I would prefer a warning, or maybe to be asked if I….”

            “Look who has finally turned up!” said Jess, even more hyper than before. Her little jumping up and down was making Lester feel a little disorientated. Or was that the alcohol?

            “Well, well, well.” 

            The reason as to why women were kissing him was forgotten—just for a moment—when Lester peered in the direction of the elevator and spied the elusive Matt Anderson walking in, conversing with Captain Becker. 

            No one really knew the man, despite his amazing credentials and the months he had been working here. Matt’s quiet charm and wit certainly made him likeable to everyone… but there was something not quite right with him.  

            “It’s typical, isn’t it?” Jess giggled. “Everyone has tried to get Matt to attend this party, and who manages to convince him? Becker!”

            The high pitched screech of “Oh my god! Becker!” made Lester’s ear hurt, but he wasn’t surprised the good captain had got his leader to join the masses. Despite a dodgy start, some squabbles and intense disagreements, the two had become friends and now they each had this uncanny ability to be… annoyingly… annoying in each other’s presence.   

            “Well done to him, then.” That sounded extremely sarcastic but Lester intended it to be that way. The two men could be like teenagers sometimes. 

            “I like Matt.”  Lester looked at Jess with a quizzical gaze. She smiled. “He’s a nice guy! People don’t give him enough credit. Some still don’t like him for replacing Danny… but I think he’s lovely.”

            “I hired him because he’s the best man for the job, Jess, not because he’s lovely.”

            Jess nodded. 

            “But I am right… right?”

            Lester sighed heavily.

            “Yes, Matt is very lovely.”

            “We should do something for him.”

            Alarms went off in Lester’s mind, not only for the “we should do something for him” suggestion from Jess but because the karaoke had started off again. One of the lab techs was now pretending to be Elvis or was it Shaking Stevens? It didn’t matter because he sounded nothing like either of them.

            Wasn’t it time for all these people to go home? 

            Another strong and overpowering kiss from another employee (this particular woman had now done this to him three times) cut Lester’s thoughts short. The woman practically took all his breath away and didn’t give him any leeway. Lester didn’t mind all the kissing but he expected to have some kind of say in the matter.  When she parted and left, Lester was left a little disorientated and flustered.

            “Yes… we should do something….” he murmured, watching the woman slowly walk away from him. 

            “GREAT!” Jess clapped her hands and did another one of her jigs. “I say we fix him up with a date! I think he might like to go on a date! It will be wonderful! You can help me!”

            “No! I--!” 

            It must have been the constant stream of women coming up to and snogging him, that made Lester go along with the plan without realising what she had intended. Or was it the alcohol?

            Either way, Jess had run off before he could object or say anything.  

            “You will find my scent attractive, you will like my real engaging eyes and playful childlike smile…”

            Matt was not a heavy drinker.  He enjoyed a beer or so, but he never overdid it.  So he wasn’t surprised to discover that within only half an hour and after one bottle of beer, he was feeling slightly light-headed. There had been no alcohol in his time; sometimes there wasn’t even any water so he wasn’t used to drinking the strong stuff.

            It was now turning from night to early morning. Matt looked at his watch and saw it was coming up to 2am. He wanted to go home… but for some unknown reason he stayed.  

            “I could waste a day…. with yoooou!”

            Matt had to smile at the way Abby and Connor were singing together, despite the terrible tones. Connor was completely sloshed, barely able to stand, but the two of them clung onto each other with all their strength and sung through one microphone, grinning and giggling at their own silliness. The song wasn’t Christmassy or anything Matt recognised, but it was amusing all the same. 

            “I could slip away into…. another diiiiiiimention! Oh what a perfect way! To spend a day…. with yoooooou hoooo ooooo Oooooh!”

            The oohing got higher pitched and the feedback certainly caused a chilling shiver to run down Matt’s spine. When they were finished, Connor tripped down the steps and he would have fallen flat on his face if Becker hadn’t been there to catch him.  Connor latched on to Becker by wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

            “Steady there, Connor, you’re a bit drunk.” Becker could hardly talk.  Matt thought he looked a little tipsy as well. Connor laughed and then proceeded to stroke at Becker’s hair.

            “I love you!” Connor smooched his face against Becker’s chest and patted his bum.

            “Okay!” Becker quickly took Connor’s hand away from his rear. “I think you’d better go home.”

            “But I love you! I do! I love all you guys! I love Lester, Jess, and Matt! Matt is great! He’s a good boss!” Connor burped. “I love the canteen staff! But Abbecker….I love you the most!”

            Becker smiled and patted Connor sincerely on the back.

            “I love you too, Connor. But it’s best you get a cab and go home.”

            “Okay! Anything you say, sweetheart!”

            Matt watched as Connor planted a drunken kiss to Becker’s cheek and then frowned as Abby began to lead him away.

            “Abby… I think you need to shave.”

            “I’ll look into that, Connor.” Abby chuckled. “Come on.”

            “MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!” Connor then began to sing Jingle Bells at the top of his voice as they staggered and swayed towards the elevator.

            This had been Connor and Abby’s first Christmas back from the Cretaceous, so Connor could hardly be blamed for enjoying himself so. Everyone cheered and wished him a happy Christmas in return and listened to his cheerful voice singing and fading slowly away. 

            “Danger, Matt Anderson! Danger!” 

            Matt was broken away from Connor’s dulcet tones by the sudden warning.

            Becker had been pacing himself with the drink, unlike Connor and a number of others had, but he was a little drunk. His steps faltered slightly as he approached Matt. The lopsided grin on his face was comical, for the normally serious captain was like a mischievous kid.

            Matt tried his best not to smirk back. He failed.

            “What are you talking about, sweetheart?

            “Oh ha ha! Very funny, Matt! But just you beware!” Becker leaned over to the table behind him and picked up two bottles of beer before whispering into Matt’s ear, “You’re being set up!”

            “Huh?” Matt jerked his head round and scanned the entire room but saw no one looking his way.

            “All I want for Christmas… is YOU!”   Jess was now up on the stage singing the cheesiest Christmas song he had ever heard, but because it was Jess… it didn’t seem as bad. It was actually quite enchanting despite her bouts of laughter between words.

            “Jess.” Becker nudged Matt and indicated with a nod of his head to where Jess was now doing an adorable dance. “I think she’s trying to set you up on a date.”

            “I might already have a girlfriend, hasn’t she thought of that?” 

            Becker laughed and handed Matt the second bottle of beer, which he took without realising. 
            “Who are you kidding? Jess is always right about these things. She knows you’re single and so does everyone else. You’re always here and so this conspiracy with her and Lester…”

            “Jess is conspiring with Lester?”  Matt choked on his first swig of his second bottle. The beer dribbled down his chin and over his t-shirt, and his curses made the grin on Becker’s face widen.

            “I know, it’s shocking, but I have seen both of them trying to convince a few of the ladies, mostly those under my command, to ask you out. Jess has been anything but subtle about it, Matt.  She thinks that you need a woman who can give you some love and affection, apparently.”

            “She thinks that?” Matt shook his head. “Really?”  

            Becker nodded, looked away and watched the woman singing on the stairs. He suddenly became a little strange and distant, his smile vanished as he swigged on his beer and to Matt he appeared to be lost, his mind far away in thought.  It was no secret that Jess had a huge crush on Becker, so as he stared at her singing the Mariah Carey song, Matt thought that perhaps Becker liked her back.

            Matt felt a curious and strong seething dislike about that.

            “Becker? Are you okay?”

            The grin came back tenfold and it made Becker look 17 years old not 27. He looked away from Jess and whacked Matt playfully on the back.

            “You might not need love and affection… but mate, you could seriously do with a shag!” 

            The bottle instantly slipped from Matt’s fingers and it shattered on the floor. He was shocked, not only at Becker’s rather blunt comment, but at the roar of his laughter.

            Normally Becker chuckled softly, hardly audible, but this laugh was loud enough to gain a lot of people’s attention. Jess was especially surprised as she choked on the words of the song. 

             “Has it been that long since you last had one?”

            “What? No! It was only last week!” Matt lied and it was a terrible one because Becker saw right through it.

            “Did I say something wrong?” asked Becker, as Matt slowly began to clear up the broken glass in a frantic manner. Matt backed away when Becker knelt down to help him.

            No, Becker hadn’t said anything wrong, just a little unusual, for the brash comment had caught Matt completely by surprise. He had actually thought Becker was propositioning him and the idea didn’t repulse Matt or make him cringe with disgust. Instead his whole body warmed at such a thought, and tingled with excitement. 

             “So Jess thinks she can set me up with someone here?” Matt tried to shake away the peculiar feelings and gathered up the broken pieces of bottle. Again Becker tried to help him, but Matt edged away and quickly found a bin to dispose of the glass. “She would have a hard time with that.”

            “When Jess gets an idea into her head…. there’s no stopping her.”

             When Matt turned back around from the bin, he saw Becker back on his feet and perching his backside against the table edge. Becker then lifted his bottle up and closed his mouth around the end.

             He drank, swallowing as the top and some of the neck of the bottle disappeared deep into his mouth. When he lowered the bottle down, Becker sucked heavily over the opening to prevent the backwash and beer from falling down the side of the glass.  A long slurp sounded as his lips came away from the neck and Matt felt a sudden rush of blood swell inside him.

            “Oh crap!”
            He hadn’t realised that he had been watching Becker so intently, with his mouth slightly parted. Matt didn’t realise that such a simple act of taking a sip of beer could be so damned… provocative. Yet the constriction in his jeans was certainly telling him it was so. 

            Matt was so busy trying to hide the rather unexpected arousal that he didn’t notice that Becker had seen him watching. 

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Current Mood: chipper chipper

18 comments or Leave a comment
freddiejoey From: freddiejoey Date: December 20th, 2011 01:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Terrifc fic. Connor drunkenly kissing Becker is priceless - and a great ending, begging for more.
basched From: basched Date: December 20th, 2011 11:58 am (UTC) (Link)

Thank you! That scene was actually added after I finished the story, mainly because I could resist! Drunk!Connor is so adorable!

Glad you liked!
From: mayakitten Date: December 20th, 2011 08:48 am (UTC) (Link)
*roll son floor giggling madly*

Oh Matt...

*sporfles at the idea of Jess and Lester conspiring*
basched From: basched Date: December 20th, 2011 11:59 am (UTC) (Link)

Oh indeed!! :) Oh...yeah, Jess and Lester are surprisingly good at conspiring as will be revealed in the second part! XD

Thanks for reading and I'm pleased that you enjoyed.
fredbassett From: fredbassett Date: December 20th, 2011 06:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh dear, karaoke is never a good idea! But the drunken boys were great fun.
basched From: basched Date: December 20th, 2011 09:20 pm (UTC) (Link)

I do so love writing the guys drunk....Its so adorable! XD

Thanks Fred! Much appreciation!
knitekat From: knitekat Date: December 20th, 2011 06:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
LOL. Brilliant. Love Jess and Lester conspiring and drunk Connor.
basched From: basched Date: December 20th, 2011 09:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

Much thanks! Well...writing Drunk!Connor is so much fun!! Heck writing this whole story was fun!

Glad you liked!
fififolle From: fififolle Date: December 20th, 2011 07:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Mmmmm, nomnomnom. This is delicious! And hilarious :DDDD I'm loving it!!!!! Everyone's drunken antics are priceless, and I can't wait to see what happens! OMG the singing... *headdesk* Brilliant.
basched From: basched Date: December 20th, 2011 09:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nomnomnnomm!! Very much so! I'm so pleased that you liked it!! It so makes me all giddy and happy when someone likes my story!

The singing....I can see and hear it all in my head!

Much thanks for the lovely comments!
reggietate From: reggietate Date: December 20th, 2011 08:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Lovely and funny. I'm glad Becker persuaded Matt to come to the party :-) Let's hope he can persuade him to do a bit more in the second part!
basched From: basched Date: December 20th, 2011 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm thinking he migbht be able to pursuade him to do more! lol

From: sallycandance Date: December 21st, 2011 04:10 am (UTC) (Link)
AWESOME! I love this fic already - the karaoke, Lester being kissed all the time, Connor drunk, and even Jess is cute the way you write her.

Lester didn’t know where the extra alcohol had come from, or who had started the music playing over the speakers
Yep. Parties have a life of their own. they're like an entitiy that, once brought into existence, needs to feed and grow to prevent it from dying again *lol*
basched From: basched Date: December 21st, 2011 11:00 pm (UTC) (Link)

YAY! I am really thrilled that you love this! I know I was only supposed to pick one prompt but reading what you had put, I had to use them all! The plot just came to me! You truly inspired me.

I love writing Drunk!Connor...he is such fun writing like that!

I really am chuffed to bits! *does happy dance.*
nietie From: nietie Date: December 21st, 2011 09:33 am (UTC) (Link)
"Abby I think you need to shave.” LOL This is a fun Christmas party. And the team deserves it.

*rushes off to part 2 to see what happens between Matt and Becker*

basched From: basched Date: December 21st, 2011 11:03 pm (UTC) (Link)

Heee! You picked out one of my favourite lines! I loved writing that Connor bit!

Thanks for reading and I do hope you'll like the second part!
deinonychus_1 From: deinonychus_1 Date: December 21st, 2011 09:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
heehee! This is great! I love drunk!Connor, and tipsy!Jess, and Lester trying to be serious and intimidating when he quite blatantly isn't. But Matt and Becker are both so adorable and funny and oblivious of each other. Or maybe not so oblivious now... :-)
basched From: basched Date: December 21st, 2011 11:07 pm (UTC) (Link)

Aww thankyou very much!! I enjoyed writing drunk!Connor and tipsy!Jess. Heck I loved writing this whole thing...and I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Matt and Becker are the best ain't they. *sigh*
18 comments or Leave a comment